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The world of smarter phones & dumber people.

The world of smarter phones & dumber people, is a video of Peter Chatham from the UK giving us a very powerful message. I agree with him a lot, and hope to start to limit my time on technology, and work harder at more real physical interactions with friends and family.

 

As silly as it may seem to some, this is something that I am beginning to have very strong feelings about this which is hard because I do still want to use all my networks. So feel free to join me on this journey to more real life interactions. 

Have a great day!

 

The video is only 5 minutes.. That is all it takes! 

Hello Tuesday.

Hey world.

Today was relaxing. I was able to get stuff done, and I feel like stuff was accomplished. I am hoping for tomorrow to go just as smoothly. I have the office all re set up again. I think this time it may actually just stay the way I have it. I am digging it so far! Well, off to finish some laundry, hang out with the man, and maybe think about making cookies in the middle of the night because I can. 🙂 

This is my life, and this is how I choose to live it. I am not sorry if you do not agree. 

Dear Daddy

My parents separated when my brother and I were quite young. My biological father wasn’t the best man in the world towards my mother, but he loved her. He was an angry man. Short tempered and more often than not, drunk. Never laid a hand on my brother or myself. He was a handyman, and loved to build things, a past time we shared a lot when I was very little. After my parents separated, we seen our father for a while, but things went down differently than we all wanted. After a while I stopped seeing my father, and I never got to see him again. A month before my 14th birthday, my father committed suicide.

It has been 10 years now since this incident. I have grown, I am strong, and I push more and more every day. I have a lot of anger towards my father. Many things that have gone unsaid over the last ten years, stuff that I have wanted to say to his face, but of course, haven’t the slightest change. How else am I suppose to let out built up anger towards someone that has passed onto the other side, but to write him a letter.

I apology in advance for any tears, swear words, incorrect spelling, or repeating myself. I have not wrote my father a letter before, and I don’t think this will be my last, for it was very releasing to accomplish. Well, here it is, the doorway to a dark alley way in my life.
But hey, That’s Life!

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Dear Daddy,

I want to start with I miss you, I’ll always be your little girl, and I wish you were by my side more often. I can’t though, I am far too angry with you. So angry I can’t even fully accept what has happened!

I still wake up some days and think, maybe your just up north, and I’ll see you soon. You know how difficult that is when it is followed with, he can not possibly be, he took his own life.

You left us behind, you took the easy way out, and even before you were stupid enough to commit suicide!! You never tried hard enough to see us!!! Every drink you had, every hand you laid on mom, every damn court case that you were apparently too fucking busy to show up to! Those are the things that needed to be fixed you ass hole! You had to pick up your slack! You were suppose to be strong! You were suppose to be here to teach me the things mom couldn’t! You could have stopped drinking, showed initiative to change for the better. You could have had the chance to be a part of our life. You had the chances right in front of your fucking face! I used to tell myself that you did it because you couldn’t see us as often as you wanted, and this way you could be with us all the time, I was wrong wasn’t I? You were blinded by booze, you were scared, you thought you had nothing so you ran away. It’s pathetic, disappointing and damn right wrong.

I see so much of you inside my brother and I. It actually hurts to see it in him. He is so damn close to loosing control, I hope he is smarter than you. I hope you didn’t show him that it is okay to take the easy way out!

You were suppose to congratulate at my milestones, teach me how to play guitar, show me how to make great things, and be the one to give me away when I go to marry the man of my dreams. However, you weren’t and you never will be now. You didn’t try hard enough. Never did. It sickens me how pissed off I am at the world because I can’t understand why.
I do miss you, but I think your a fucking ass hole. I think your selfish, I think I hate you when I think about what you did! I HATE YOU FOR IT!! I don’t know why, and that is what hurts the most. You left behind very confused people, very sad people, and one very fucking mad daughter. One little girl you said you would protect til the end of time, and be there for til the end.. FUCK YOU AND YOUR END! Fuck the fact that you were upset, you had responsibilities. You had people that fucking cared whether you lived or died. You took every possibility I had in my head as a little girl wishing and waiting for the day to see you again, to visit you, to hug you, to have you say I love you, to have you just fucking be there so I can call you on the phone and say hey daddy guess what?! Nope, you took that from me, and that is why I am so fucking angry with you.

 I hate that you killed yourself, I hate that you moved far away, I hate that you drank, I hate that you hit mom, I hate that you never showed to court, I hate that you couldn’t quit drinking for your fucking kids!!!! IT WAS FOR YOUR KIDS! Everything was for me and my brother! Who gave a fuck what your ex wife had to say about you, or to you, We should have been your number one no matter what you had to do to, you should have done it. YOU SHOULD HAVE TRIED!

Why did you have to take your life away from us?! You were my everything! I wanted you to continue to teach me and watch me grow into the woman I am today. Nothing in life is free daddy, nothing in life comes to you without some work. You should have known these things. You were a man of your hands, hardworking, handy man. You built me so much, and I want you to build more dammit! Every time I think of certain carpentry projects, your there, your building what I need. I miss you, and I miss the possibilities. I miss your family even. I am completely separate from that side of my family, because you had to be a fucking prick to your siblings too. It wasn’t my Aunt or Uncles fault that they could see us and you couldn’t. It was your fault!

YOU ARE THE ONLY REASON YOU DIDN’T SEE US!
YOU ARE THE ONLY REASON FOR WHAT HAPPEN TO YOU!
YOU ARE THE REASON I WILL BE STRONGER THAN YOU EVER COULD BE.

You took the one shot and left me
My aunt made one phone call to tell me you were gone forever
Now I have one day, to constantly remember what you forgot,
I’ll always be daddy’s little girl.

Sincerely, with both hate and love,

Your Daughter.

Thank you for reading. I apologize again if I upset anyone unintentionally!
I know with it being this close to the holidays, we don’t always want to read a sad or upsetting story, so for that I thank you again. Please feel free to comment and express yourself freely. I am comfortable talking about suicide, and would love to answers any questions that people may have. I know of course this post doesn’t get into my grieving process, or other aspects of my life that deal with suicide, but again, this does not mean I am opposed to talking about it. In fact, I welcome the conversation so please feel free!

My Life With Pets

Pets are not for everyone. Some people have fish, cats, dogs, horses even, or birds. Why people have birds as a pet sometimes confuses me. Really! My grandmother has one, and I don’t get it, its really annoying. I love hearing birds in the morning do not get my wrong. In fact I love to also watch them fly around and everything, but do not keep one as a pet, its annoying you because it wants to go and fly!

I’ve had fish, I had a cat when I was a child, that wasn’t really wanted among all the members of my family so it was given away without actually telling me it was given away. One animal that has been a constant in my life for sure though are dogs. Dogs are something that brought a safety factor to our home, and my mom just couldn’t sleep at night without having one in the house. I loved all my dogs growing up. I really believe that they do bring a feeling of safety ones home. The way mine sits at the front window and just watches the outside world makes me feel like I will be notified if there is anything out of the ordinary happening. I love that feeling, I wouldn’t change it for the world. I’m sure it may be close to how we felt as children when we felt our parents were the strongest people in the world and could protect us against anything that came our way.

 

My fiance had Toby when we met. He adopted him when he was about one, he’s 8-9 years old now, that is in human years of course. The story goes that my fiance went to the pound to adopt a dog, as he started to walk around it was heard that there was a dog that had arrived 20 minutes earlier and wasn’t coming to anyone that tried. Curious, my fiance bent down in front of his cage to see if he would move, with no movement he went to walk away. That is when the connection happened. The dog got up and started to follow my fiance. It was that moment that Toby became a part of his life. Hes a great dog, and very smart. I had appendicitis little over a year ago, and Toby stayed in bed with me for 2 days straight before I went in for surgery, my fiance even had to sleep on the couch. Again, I love that feeling of being protected. Here is a great picture I snapped of him the other day as he watched my fiance go check the mail.
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We also have two other pets in our home. Two cats. First there is Neko, the 10 year old lazy man who loves to sleep all day long. However, if you happen to catch him between sleeping locations, you can get some of the biggest hugs from a cat ever! Makes you feel loved! He is another member I joined when I started dating my fiance. He was a stray cat that lived out in the bush behind my fiance’s friends farm. When he was picked up, he allowed my fiance instantly to rub his belly. He knew he had to bring him home so that he didn’t get taken to the pound.

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The other is Stuart. We have had him since he was 2 months old. A friend of ours had a litter of kittens (well her cats did, ha!), and Stuart was the last little guy who they couldn’t find a home for. As soon as I seen his little fluffy face I couldn’t help it. We brought him home and he was instantly attached to me. He is definitely considered “my cat” because he sucks up to me more than anyone! I love this little energetic guy! Only a little over a year old now!

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This one below is him today when I went to print something, he couldn’t get by me so he went around and climbed across the table and the heater… weirdo!

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Each one of my pets mean a lot to me, the help me calm down, relax and remember to laugh and play every once in a while. That and they are the most perfect companion to cuddle with! Besides my fiance of course, nothing gets better than that!

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If it wasn’t for them

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If it wasn't for them

First of all, my apologies for the cursing in the picture, however, it has inspired me to write this last post before the night ends.

“Fuck ’em if they can’t take a joke!”

Oops, sorry again!

On a more serious note, is it not empowering?! I find that when I think back into my past, the people that have come in and then out of my life, the heart ache, the horrible relationships, the dirty looks just because I wasn’t “cool enough”. Yet here I stand in front of you. Strong, empowered, intelligent, driven, and living with not one regret because I was able to stay true, and tell others to shove it when they thought I should be different. I am who I am today because of everything I have had happen to me in my life. From losing loved ones to lying friends, its all the same. It’s a matter of truly overcoming the things that hurt you and accepting that change is uncontrollable. Also, who cares what someone else thinks about you, are they really that important? Is their opinion going to effect you in 5 years? 10 years? Probably not.

I never believed my parents when I was in high school and they would tell me that these people (my friends) aren’t going to be in my life forever. Damn, was I stunned when I was proved wrong, and in turn them right. Even the people I was able to cling onto for 10 years, eventually still slipped through the cracks, and we are no longer in contact, not even facebook. So really, even the ones I thought would be in my life forever, the ones opinions “mattered” to me, don’t make a difference 10 years later. So live life the way it makes you happy at that moment, and don’t regret it later because seriously it won’t make it not happen, and because it happened is why your stronger, more intelligent, more beautiful today then you were yesterday. You can overcome anything in this world, because your meant to. So tell the ones who treat you badly to suck it, and live on!